Another short one

Saw my friend's premature baby boy a week or so ago. He's the tiniest thing I've ever seen. I cried at his minisculeness. And that it'd been such a close thing - his sister died at 31 weeks two years ago and the reason for his delivery by emergency caesar was the same thing was happening to him. But he's OK, putting on weight and such a cutie. Awwww.

And as for my father? He died about 9am today. I still feel nothing. Sorry that my siblings are upset, but that's all. I had the opportunity to go and 'say goodbye' but decided there was no point. He's effectively been dead to me for a long, long time. Visiting him while he was comatose seemed ridiculous. It would make no difference to him, and not to me, either. And I wasn't sure I could keep myself nice - ie, not whisper to him what a cunt I thought he was - so staying away was the best decision I oould make. Will I regret that decision? I strongly doubt it. And I would never say this about anyone else with cancer, but I feel it exposed his inherent weakness. Five weeks or so from diagnosis to death. He didn't even try to fight, it seems. Ironic since he spent so much time being a violent bastard when I was growing up. If it was anyone else, I'd say their body was simply overwhelmed, riddled with cancer and that's why they died so quickly. But him? Weak bastard.

Quick update

Briefly:

Was honoured to be asked by a friend to be one of her birth partners. The baby boy was due early March. Except he was born by emergency caesarean on January 10. He was born in country Victoria before being flown to Melb. He's been in neo-natal intensive care but is improving every day. Thankfully. A bed in Melb was found for his mum four days later... ridiculous. But she's OK too. He'll be in hospital until he reaches about six pounds or his expected birthdate, whichever eventuates first.

Birthday was lovely, thanks. Celebrations went on for several days and there'll even be a post-birthday treat next weekend, courtesy of a friend who wants to outrageously spoil me. Yay! But now I'm oooooooolllllllllldddddddd...

Shared those gorgeous butternut snap/caramel/chocolate treats around. Proud of myself for doing so! Have bought a stepper, which I vow to use at least twice a week. And will swim twice a week. And walk. And cut out most of the crap I eat. Fuck.

My youngest sibling is getting married. Was originally scheduled for October but has been brought forward to May because of the whole dying father situation. I'm a bridesmaid. Oh god, I'm likely to look like a walking wall of fabric. Although yes, I totally realise the day's not about me.

Dying father: he's been having radiotherapy and steriods but there's been complications (he has diabetes and the drugs are fucking with his blood sugar, apparently, plus he's got infections from somewhere.) Prognosis: steady.

That's about it. Although dealing with federal government bureaucracy has been... interesting. And time consuming. More about that later.

Sweet tooth?

One of my closest friends is a really good cook. Of everything, but particularly sweet stuff. Which I can't get enough of, which is problematic because I'm a porker and need to lose weight, but love food much more than exercise. And have no ability to say no to most foods. Anyway. She gave me about 12 kilos of rocky road for Christmas, and of course it was glorious, and of course I ate it in about three days. Ok, 12 kilos might be an exaggeration. But not much of one.

Right. Now picture this. Butternut snap biscuit. With homemade caramel on top, a good two centimetres thick. And about a centimetre of chocolate on top of the caramel. You're either drooling with desire or close to vomiting at the thought of all that gooey, chocolate-y, crunchy biscuit-y taste sensation goodness, aren't you? Me, I'm stoked to have a friend who so generously makes things like that for me! Slight problem though: she makes them each year for my birthday because they're one of my favourite things in the world (and she's a champion!). And I'm 37 tomorrow, so I've got a huge container full of them in the fridge. And I don't want to share, but nor should I eat them if I don't want to induce diabetes!

Such a dilemma ;)

Oh, and think I forgot to say: happy new year to all out there (Ahem... all two readers I know of!)

Thank fuck that's done with...

Last year was, frankly, cunty. I'm consequently really glad 2009 is over. More on that soon. Very soon. Promise.

Meanwhile, so many resolutions, so little willpower.